Apathy to authorship!!!
A dream far from reality? Conquer a mountain, reach the top and scream hell yeah, made for this and did it. A Mountain, a mirror of my capacities, a lot of mountains of challenges, opportunities to strive for life and reminder to the myriad obstacles to tackle. Having several mountains to climb on, feed on to dreams and make it come true. “You can’t see the entire world from the top, the view from there only reminds you how big the world is and how much more there is to see and learn” an excerpt from the Book “Touching My Father’s Soul: A Sherpa’s Journey to the Top of Everest” by Jamling Tenzing Norgay to which the phrase resounds how all roads lead down, maybe hit the rock bottom but the path up to the peak always is to endure regardless of anything.
The hardest climb has been within myself to internalize what makes me up and what I am meant for. The shifts in the habits have been eminent; by the way how I have responded to questions that I ask myself and feel similar to other lives. The essential factors accounting for the shift are proper reasoning and internalizing the question. The experiences and deeper connection I had held for myself and creating a body of empathy helped me contemplate by peculiarly looking into the joy and inspiration of doing things. Furthermore, my own experience of personal change has led me to realize how apathy has eclipsed my chain of thoughts, overlapping the clear sky with dark clouds of self-doubt, incompetence, and unconfidence. I felt particularly apathetic when I couldn’t meet my own expectations for what I had envisioned and further questioned my abilities. A big question mark struck me with the fear of being perceived as an over-thinker with a baggage of my own sorrow and insecurities. During this particular moment, I pondered upon what made me think this way, and I began closely observing the phenomenon that occurred in me. Alongside the parallel dimensions peeking into the lowest, struggling with myself, the only way I see is going up and rising onwards after realization. The most crucial factor to note and act upon was the “fear” that had encapsulated my reasonings alongside other factors such as jealousy, incapability, and weakness. I let myself be lenient on overcoming the fear by facing it, dealing with it with preparations, and not thinking of the results.
My motto of striving for the best is prevalent through my actions; the orientation of my efforts towards outcome derailed my energy and intensity to excellence. The best possible reasoning enabled me to look into a personal-centered approach to emphasize the individuality and collective gains through enjoying the process. Throughout this change that I had been through, I reflected upon how my authorship of life is an eminent factor in decision making and dictating my energy towards what I truly want for myself over what is expected of me. I emphasized what I really love doing and indulging in finding my solace and distinguishing between my “intention” and “action.” While some of us are accustomed to viewing through other’s spectacles. These experiences might have left many hesitant and frightened to open their eyes to the awakening. I found my choices support the way I view my world and expand the horizon to see more. The experiences and deeper connection I had held for myself and creating a body of empathy helped me contemplate by peculiarly looking into the joy and inspiration of doing things, healing from the trauma I put myself in, and having a dialogue with my inner self.
The shifts in the habits have been eminent; by the way how I have responded to questions that I ask myself and feel similar to other lives. The essential factors accounting for my shift are proper reasoning and internalizing the question. The deeper resonance and act of recognizing ourselves helped me transition through the different stages and systematic order of mindfulness to gain meaning in life. The adjustments, receptiveness have been few of the critical elements in accepting and acknowledging the shifts. Fear doesn’t let me make unconventional moves and limits me from life. While courageous people feel fear, they manage and overcome their fear to not stop them from taking action. Like always every other individual encounters problems in life: some things just happening, and having no control over them. I look at problems as challenges — they are hurdles, not walls. Overcoming them makes me stronger and helps me grow as a person. So no matter how hard it is, it’s always worth trying to make the best of the situation and be the person I want to be. Courage is necessary, the same as hope, but also knowledge, persistence, the proper method, and some sort of idea of precisely what will comprise the solution.
A demon that doesn’t limit me from death but my life is the fear I live with. It is the fear that doesn’t let me unleash the full potential I have. The doubt that arises within me is what if I cannot be the person I aspire for myself. These doubts have nothing to do with whether I can or can’t, but it makes me very unhappy. A dream far from reality? Conquer a mountain, reach the top, and scream, hell yeah, created for this and did it. A Mountain, a mirror of my capacities, mountains of challenges, opportunities to strive for life, and a reminder of the myriad obstacles to tackle. Having several peaks to climb on, feed on to dreams, and make them come true.
Similarly, I feel I am hindered by the terror that sits behind my mind limiting my actions. I would not straightforwardly put that I have had a detailed conversation with the “fear” that I account as a demon that eclipses my potential. A dialogue of Buddha with Mara, demon god, where Budhha asks for a time to sit with the devil that tried to limit his path from enlightenment. A dialogue that is non-terminating and recurring, one to know the truth behind myself. I resonate with this conversation as a lifelong process like breathing which starts from breath until death. I had this conversation with my last counter with the demon while I had to face failure. To all those emotions, what if I fail? I managed to have a bold face-to-face chat with the devil of failure by experiencing what it truly feels like to fail. The trickling sensation in my mind wished not to be true but by the heart acknowledging what it truly feeds on the expectation to ownself of failing filled me with the spark of conversation of learning that I would have missed had I not failed. Realizing the failure provided insights and inherently corrected the wrong ways of approaching a problem. There is no teacher as impactful as the sting of failure and no lesson in resilience better than the burn of rejection.
Similarly, the other demon that I live with is my overthinking behavior. While others claim me to be a deep and critical thinker, which I truly live by, I often tag myself as an overthinker. I have realized how my orientation towards results and not on actions have led me to think extravagantly about the outcomes. Instead, enjoying the process leads me to put extra effort into considering more than expected. Trying to have a routine conversation with the overthinking demon, I try to keep up a step ahead of the demon that limits me with change in the discourse of the steps and living fully in the present, not thinking of the past and future consequences. Coexisting with positive emotions, being grateful, changing my mindset helped me pave a different path with zeal and enthusiasm.
“However”, a neutralizing word that gives hope — drawing a line to realism and optimism, climbing and crossing mountains of challenges. May it not just be a wish; what would it take to make it a possibility? “Maybe” all the audacity to dare to dream. That “Maybe” to “However,” I’ll try and do what fills me to live and dream big. Fortifying the belief and dreaming with eyes open, defying and claiming victory over demons of doubt, I conquer the top spot I see myself. It is always an eye opening moment realizing how I win over the conversations with the devil inside me and comparing the state of desolation and success.
